Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
