and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
