Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Randomize
