I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
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i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
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Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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