All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
