i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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