Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I looked at my own cervix.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
