It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
