party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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