we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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