new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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