I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The Olympian is in my bed
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
