We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
