so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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