so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
