This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
