i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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