i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
