I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
