I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
