Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
