get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
