The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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