WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
