It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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