Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
