Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
there is glitter all over my balls
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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