her vagine was all disorganized.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
