My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
