Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize