After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
