We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
