Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
