I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
