He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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