All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
