On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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