I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
