i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
