This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
