Swine flu. Run for my life!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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