pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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