guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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