Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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