u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
