Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
