margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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