I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
