He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
