Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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