yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
