So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
