we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
