youre lurking in front of me
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
