he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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