Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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