can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
