your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
