Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He uses pillows to masturbate.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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