Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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