you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
