last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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