apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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