He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
