Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
