the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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