Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
