I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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