how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
