I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
