I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
