i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
