my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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