so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
