U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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