I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
