you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
