Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
