i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
