Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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