Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
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Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
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And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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