i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
