Taylor Swift is so right about you.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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