I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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