dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
